“You’ll understand someday when you have kids.”
I can remember thinking, “yeah, right!” as I rolled my eyes. Probably as I threw up the old “W” sign – whatever, mom!
All it took was having my first child.
That was it. I vividly recall how urgently I needed to see my mom. Immediately, I knew how deeply she loved me and how genuinely she worried about me. Mostly on those late nights out with friends – sorry, mom!
She wasn’t trying to be a mean mom. She just loved me so much, to her very core, that she couldn’t fathom the idea of anything bad happening to me – her baby. It hit me in that moment. I was her baby. What?! I needed to see her ASAP and tell her how much I loved her, and how sorry I was for being such a brat, and thank her for loving me so unconditionally. Before I could even say a word, I could tell by the look in her eye that she knew exactly what I felt. She knew.
The love I was consumed with for this tiny girl in her first few moments made me realize the level of adoration my mom must have had for me.
It really hit me hard. All those years of thinking she was just trying to cramp my style to only discover that it was real, indescribable love only a mother knows. A real aha moment, y’all!
What I didn’t know on that day ten years ago was that was just the first of many motherly revelations. They’re never-ending really. It’s in the little things like how my son looks at me when I tell him he can only have one honey bun – the meanest! I feel it in my daughter’s heavy stomps and whines when I actually make her go to bed on time. Can you believe that? – what a horrible mom! (I bet she is totally flipping me the “W”hatever sign.) Sometimes, I even catch myself responding to them with “Because I am your mother” when dealt the ole’ reliable, “But whyyyyyyy, mom?”
I’ll tell ya, the most humbling moments are when I am faced with a sacrifice I must make for their betterment, and I quietly reflect on all the times my mom did the same. Maybe she didn’t splurge on that purse so I could have the trendy new Doc Martens like all the cool girls. Maybe she turned down a night out with her friends for a Friday night Blockbuster date with me instead. Maybe she walked away from someone she truly loved, because she knew it wasn’t the best life for me. Not for herself, for me – for her baby.